Tag: ごめんね、お兄様

Surrendering to the King, making me walk a righteous path.

Those words can only mean one thing.

「A revolt.」

Onii-sama nodded, confirming what I said.

This country is ruled by one true monarch.

The king rules with an iron fist^{(tyrant, dictator)}

Even if it looks peaceful on the outside, those who oppose it still exist in the shadows.

And yet.

「That’s……suicide^(impossible), isn’t it? There are still a lot who hate the mages, you’ll just be outnumbered」

Mages who outlived their usefulness, the feelings towards them must be severe.

The discrimination towards an entity who was once at the pinnacle of the privileged^(class) but has degraded over the years must have piled up.

Rebellion, even by the majority of the miniscule numbers of mages, could not possibly succeed.

And even then, only a handful of them are willing to do so.

「There are countless people who fear you, the Infernal princess; afraid that you, who is of royal blood^{(mom was a princess, remember)}, would fight to to the death for the monarchy, and there are those who just lie in wait until the opportune time comes.」

「Lying in wait……?」

Raising my brows in confusion, Atlas spoke in a low voice to further explain what onii-sama said.

「The mages aren’t the only ones who are distressed about the state of this country. The nobles are also divided, but the majority knows what will happen to this country if this continues and they are choosing to oppose it; choosing the path to coexist with the mages. Besides, the 【Luzilles】who just got taken over, is also in favour of this coup d’etat.」

Otou-sama, also agreed with the coup.

Once a clan of mages joins in, this mutiny will no longer be a pipe dream.

But still, all of this is just wishful thinking.

It won’t be that easy.

It’s impossible for everyone^{(in this country)} to choose the path of coexisting with the mages.

「Sooner or later, this kingdom will reach its downfall. Before winter is over……we will dethrone the king and solidify our defences before other nations invade. 」

「–kuh」

「I won’t deny that this country needs a leader, but we won’t stand for a king who easily throws away his people and makes them suffer.」

Once the snow melts, the enemy nations will have no trouble crossing the borders.

However, it’s still uncertain if they will be able to abolish the monarchy and run the country smoothly before then.

Even now, the king still has no children.

There was always a debate about whether or not to adopt a child from the collateral line, but as far as I know that had not yet been settled.

If so, dethroning the current king does not mean replacing him with another^{(from the same line)}――this country will be reborn anew.

「After reforming this country, Gil will be the one to set up barriers, and become its pillar…these barriers will detect people’s ill will using his healing arts. We still need to think about setting up other conditions to add to the magic circle, but it will be a barrier that will repel those with evil intent to the mages.」

A water mage can also use the healing arts.

It won’t be impossible for them to gauge a person based on their heart rate, blood pressure, muscle movement, breathing patterns and so many other physical indicators to guess how that person is feeling.

A person coming in contact with a magic barrier will instantly be judged. Whether they are deemed to have harmful intentions or not, it’s simply a matter of denying them entry through the barrier first.

While it may be true that this kind of magic is delicate, it requires a great deal of concentration to execute. However, I’ve no doubt it won’t be impossible for【Guilford】.

But.

「If it’s a barrier that covers the entire country… There’s no guarantee the magic will last. You’ll die.」

It would last a day at most.

No matter how much mana a mage possessed, it would be impossible to maintain such a large barrier that spans the entirety of this country.

After all, Guilford will be the one maintaining the barriers. No matter how exceptional the magic circle is on paper, this will not be enough.^{(Gil is just a pillar after all)}

Even if this person is onii-sama, who boasts near endless supply of mana in his reserves is bound to exhaust all of it as the days go by.

“A reasonable concern” said Atlas, nodding his head.

「Ah, Gil may be the one holding the structure together, but the mages will basically supply the mana to him so he can maintain the barriers. So their sizes will vary depending on how many mages are present within them.」

Onii-sama neither agreed with, nor denied Atlas’s claims, simply pursing his lips and not uttering a single word.

「……Even if that’s the case, there aren’t enough mages remaining.」

「Since the neighboring countries have started to purge the mages, they will start flocking to take refuge in this country in spring. We’ll accept it and take that into account.」

「I’m a water mage. ―――But you already know that from the beginning. Right? Origa.」

The【Origa】that knows about the future, is 【me】.

「You, made me someone who can break down that wall.」

Verdant orbs stare down on me.

That familiar affection was no more. Neither pity nor sympathy exists(in those eyes).

They’re just painted with coldness, directing a condemning (gaze) on me.

Accusing me of turning him into an existence that will save the mages, of making him carry a burden he could not bear.

Tears began to blur my sight.

I couldn’t say anything else, I couldn’t breathe as if the back of my throat was tightening.

「Even if that’s the case. Right now, Origa is alive, and you chose and decided to use your magic to change this country. 」

At the sound of Atlas’ voice, onii-sama slowly looked away from me and hung his head low, took a few deep, painful breaths, and grabbed his own arm as if to release the pain.

「Sorry. I know …… that saying this now won’t change anything.」

「Gil」

「I’ve become a water mage. I have a job to do. I choose to do it. That’s all. Don’t worry, I know exactly what I’m doing.」

After mumbling to himself, onii-sama slowly turned his face forward, saying clearly once again that he understood.

His pale complexion hasn’t changed, but his eyes show a tragic determination.

Aah, I hate this. Why do you look like that?

Stop this already.

I don’t want to make any more mistakes.

I don’t want, to see this story anymore.

「How Origa found out about my water attribute, or why she made me train it, I don’t care anymore. I don’t know what Origa is thinking, and I could not hope to understand, but I’ve had enough.」

Slowly, onii-sama’s voice begins to come from the heart.

His unstable emotions and complexion calmed down, only leaving an appearance of someone resigned to their fate.

「The past is what you want it to be. But from now on, you are no longer in control. Everything will be up to me, and what I do from here.」

This is his role(character)’s final deviation(from the path).

I don’t want to hear it.

I don’t want to hear it, I don’t want to, I don’t want to, I don’t want to.

I beg you, anyone, I don’t want to hear it.

「―――I will let you live, and lead you to the right path. In order for you to live, I will surrender you to the King.」

He’s not the hero who lets people off with half-baked goodwill and decency, but a hero who chooses to let me live and not expect anything in return–wholeheartedly taking responsibility from the beginning.^{(i’m not quiet sure about this part since it’s talking about gil having negative feelings about letting her live, but the kanji can also mean to assume responsibility(negatively). Here’s the whole phrase if anyone is curious 私を生かすと選択した――きっと負の感情の元で)}

…I hate to admit it but.

He’s not just a character, but an actual person.

And this world, is a real one.

I hug myself and hold my arms to stop them from trembling, but the shaking just won’t stop.

What do I do, 【this person】, I’m scared of him.

「….Right now before me, is a wall that even you, who was the most perfect of them all, could ever hope to overcome.」

As if saying he can’t bear to keep looking at me, onii-sama looked down, and his verdant eyes darken.

Underneath those deep green orbs, dark tides of emotions are coalescing.

His tiredness became evident and even accentuated his pale complexion.

「My cowardice has prevented me from trying to confront that obstacle, let alone overcome it, until someone showed me the way(forward). I’ve always known it was there, and all I did was talk niceties about it. But when it appeared in front of me? “Why would I break(overcome) that?” is what I said. And once it appears in front of you, averting your eyes(escape) will be futile, nor will anyone allow you to surrender(escaping). They want me to topple over the wall. All the while knowing if I don’t, many people will die instead. Everyone wants me to break it down, for a petty reason of “going through that wall”, and knowing I will have to dirty my hands with blood instead」

His abrupt words don’t make any sense in my head.

What is he talking about I wonder.

I’m scared. I don’t understand what you are saying. I don’t want to understand. I don’t want to know.

As if being driven to a wall, carelessly and with my thoughts in a haze, I quickly spoke.

「What do, you mean by that?」

「Over and over again I pondered, “Why is it me(doing it)? Why me?” Over and over again I find myself looking for another way. But there isn’t. No matter how much I deny it, no matter how much I avert my eyes, someday that wall will obstruct my way. Walking on a rosy path that someone else had planted(or has paved), stepping on a mountain of corpses piled up by someone else. That’s right, even if I run away in the end, someone else will carry this sin on their back while I remain ignorant. That’s why there’s no way out, because I have the power to.」

He doesn’t seem to hear me, or he’s just ignoring me; ‘cause he’s not answering my question.

The gentler the words(tone) he spoke out are, the uglier(his face) he became.

I’m not even sure where exactly he is looking at.

Unfocused eyes shimmer and sway, as his complexion grows pale.

His face shouldn’t show such ugliness, and I’m the reason why.

How, how did this happen?

Where did it go wrong?

I don’t know how many times I asked myself this question, but it’s all what’s going on in my head.

It wasn’t supposed to be like this.

I didn’t want it to be this way.

I just wanted everyone to be happy, so that my death would not be in vain.

「Calm down」

「……..」

「Origa doesn’t know anything. She needs an explanation.」

As Atlas stood in front of me, interrupting him, onii-sama laughed out loud.

He was so bright and happy, as if he had heard a funny joke, as if he had broken down.

And.

「She doesn’t know anything, huh.」

The way he smiles and tilts his head is no different from the 【Guilford】I know.

Bright, innocent and positive, the main character.

But that just makes his bizarreness noticeable.

「Origa willingly went the wrong path, just to bring me (here) to this point. There’s no way she doesn’t know. She’d known how everything will turn out in the beginning.」

「Gil」
「Origa doesn’t know? How stupid. She should’ve known that this is how I will turn out,」

「That’s enough, Gil!」
「If that wasn’t the case, how come I can use water magic without asking anyone to teach me!」

As if to cover Atlas’s hoarse voice, his low, calm voice suddenly changed and echoed loudly throughout the room.

Aah, I see.

That’s where it got distorted. It’s my fault.

【Guilford】was supposed to be taught water magic by a friend, but 【this person】was suddenly able to use water magic without anyone teaching him.

「You of all people should know. If one doesn’t hone their skill at an early age, one can’t possibly use water attribute magic. Luzille forbade the practice of anything other than fire magic. No matter how much mana I have, I couldn’t possibly learn the basics and use water magic effectively! I’ve never practised water magic either! I avoided water most of all, just to be able to use a little fire magic!」

Atlas flinched at his prattling, and wanted to say “That’s..” but closed his mouth and wasn’t able to.

Their family is a branch(from the clan) that studied and understood most about magic education. They must have realized onii-sama’s queerness early on.

If your ability isn’t honed, no matter how talented you are, you can only be at best, a mediocre mage. 

And yet【this person】is.

His voice is low and choked up as he sucks in a breath, his shoulders shaking at the sight of Atlas.

「……And, whenever it rained, Origa told me to train outside.」

That was, the beginning of my mistakes.

The beginning of when the world started to change.


TL note:
booooo i hate translating conversations and monologues
he said walls so many times i just used other terms for them, he’s talking about the metaphorical wall btw


Guilford: Walls, walls, walls, obstacles, walls
Origa: why the hell are you so obsessed with walls and toppling them

Just the slightest force is enough to make me feel his pressure.

A slight movement of his hand can easily kill me.

Not by the hands of his whose heart is so tender that they lament about killing me, but by him whose heart is unfathomably dark.

—Aah, I hate this.

I don’t want to admit it, but all I see are their differences.

They have the same face, the same existence, the same world they are supposed to be living in.

This person is, he is.

He’s different.

Behind me, I hear Atlas calling Guilford-sama as if in a hurry, and his fingers slowly caress away from my neck.

Gil-sama takes a step back as if nothing had happened, and begins to weave his words once more.

While his eyes that are tinted with coldness remained the same, the sound of his voice is unnaturally gentle.

It made me want to wail. ^{(to cry terribly)}

「Who was driving those mages to the wall? Everytime I investigated and tried to make amends, all traces lead back to you. At first, I thought of many possibilities and tried to excuse them but,」

“There was plenty of evidence that you killed them.” he said, and smiled weakly.

A self-deprecating smile appeared on Gil-sama’s face. It made me absentmindedly think, as if I was trying to escape this reality, that such an expression really does not suit him.

Even though I wasn’t hurt physically, my body starts shaking just by looking at him this way.

I don’t, I don’t know such【person】.

「You were always, always way ahead of me. You were always right. You knew from the very beginning that you had to do this, you had to make sacrifices to protect someone didn’t you?」

「….I don’t know what you’re talking about.」

「Whenever someone died in an eye-catching manner, there were always traces of the magic sealing stones being destroyed. It wasn’t me. You were the one destroying all of them.」

I was the one who destroyed the magic sealing stones.

Gil-sama assumed that their number was something he could not handle alone, so I destroyed them behind the scenes.

According to official records, Gil-sama would have been the first magician to destroy the magic seal stones.

It’s an important factor to become the Hero of Salvation, and being the apex of sorcerers; but Gil-sama found out about everything.

That everything was a preempted plot, a glory, devised by his younger sister.

「I understand. If you hadn’t burned them like that, I’m sure more sorcerers would’ve died instead.」

Not scolding, nor grieving, not even a shout. A voice that’s just calm after realising everything.

He closed his eyes and said, “Even if a lot of people died, I know in my head that it was the right thing to do.”

That’s not it, you’re wrong.

The truth is, no one should’ve died.

Because they were needed. They have someone waiting for them to come home.

Please, don’t be mistaken by that sorry excuse.

You have to do the right thing, you shouldn’t despair over the villain’s blunders.

You have to correct my wrongdoings, judge my sins, tie my death to something meaningful; like someone else’s future.

「You were stronger than anyone, you held the authority over many sorcerers and were always faultless…. And yet here you are, having lost everything. Begging me to kill you because you can’t endure to correct (your mistakes).」

The words “faultless, correct” that are said are so terribly polite, as if persuading me, repeatedly and slowly harassing me. ^{(raws are are both 正しい、正しい, but i reworded them differently)}

The person least suitable to say those words, acknowledges my existence. Acknowledges my “accomplishments”.

This person, who is the “hero of justice”, shows sympathy to my slaughters.

This is, just wrong.

「No matter what anyone says, you’re correct. So if you want to kill me, go right ahead.」

「kh….!」

「If you kill me because you think that’s the right thing to do, then surely it’s the right thing to do.」

Step, step, Gil-sama stepped back and leaned his back against the wall. “But I will never kill you.” he whispered and looked at me emotionlessly.
I couldn’t believe Gil-sama uttered those words with such conviction.

This person is not my 【Guilford】.

「I wanted to save as many lives as I could. That’s why when I found out I have the talent for water magic, I was over the moon. I was ecstatic thinking that “I wouldn’t need to hurt someone to save another”, I could protect them without having to resort to bloodshed……I was so excited to be of help for you.」^{(original said smth like I don’t need to kill someone to protect another but i just reworded it)}

Salvation for everyone without the need to kill――This is 【Guildford】’s ideology.

It was this advocacy that kept the story moving towards a happy ending.

A story where no one except the villain dies.

As long as Gil-sama keeps believing this creed, he will be the protagonist.

However, Gil-sama’s words continue to pour out.

「……To hear news about you and the crimes you have committed, I was horrified by them all. As long as you have the means to use your magecraft, you will continue to slaughter everyone. Even if they were someone who won’t retaliate, you won’t bat an eye.」

「That was…. I have my own reasons for that.」

The words I squeezed out were rough, but my voice was somehow able to convey it.

My existence has a purpose; a necessity for the protagonist to move forward.

The more people I kill, the more (people) the hero saves.

And then undoubtedly, it will lead to a “happy ending” with everyone rejoicing.

That’s why, I need not retreat. In fact, even if I didn’t kill all those mages, there were countless other scenarios where they would eventually die.

Cruel as it may be, inhumanly unforgivable even; I proceed to walk down this road without looking back, knowing that this is the correct path(story).^{(original said smth along the lines of I continued this path ‘cause the story is right)}

Perhaps noticing my silent protest, Gil-sama dropped his hand from his face and smiled at me, his face as calm as a still lake.

「I see. I doubt I have enough words to stop you. ――nor even be able to forgive you.」

This is an emotion that would not, should not exist in a hero.

Resignation is something【Guilford】would not embrace.

No matter how much it pains him, Guilford will never give up on stopping his little sister.

He will continue to believe that everyone is inherently good, that everyone can understand each other. ^{(original said smth continue moving to believe everyone sis good and understand)}

And yet, this person.

「So I ran away. If only Keika didn’t inform me… If only Atlas hadn’t been there, I would surely have left you alone in that place. All while knowing how you were going to be used there. 」

「………That’s…」

――A predetermined future where I won’t die, but instead will be used as sustenance by the whole clan.^{(basically she’ll be like livestock for ehm….producing more mages)}

No, it can’t be.

That’s not right, this person, it can’t be.

【Guilford Ivlis】is not this kind of person.

He would have tried to save me at all costs.

No matter how grave her crime is, he would save his little sister.

He would try and protect (my) pride as a human being.

Unable to speak, I looked into his eyes, and Gil-sama’s expression slightly stiffened.

「I honestly never wanted to treat your burns(injuries). I even wished you would die already, seeing you so weak and in pain in your nightmare.」

“But”, he said, looking over to Atlas while smiling. “Here we are.”^{(original said smth like, this is what happened)}

「…..It was such a terrible idea. I made the decision to leave you to die so easily, even though I hated the idea of leaving you behind so much. I was so reluctant to kill you with my own hands because I couldn’t stop you with my own thoughts, and I hoped you would die someplace I didn’t know about, somewhere I wouldn’t have to worry about you–」

Trying to fathom his thoughts, his words suddenly cut mid-sentence and bent down a little and reached out his hand to me.

Cool fingers touch my cheek faster than my body can move to avoid them. The fingers that caressed my cheek feel alive.

They are neither simple descriptions or pictures from a book, nor are they simple possessions of the protagonist.

This fact adds to my confusion.

This is, in fact, reality.

「For a long time, I admired you for your strength and straightforwardness. No matter how unacceptable your choices were to me, you were always right.」

What was there in me to admire?

I’m merely just a character that acts as a foil to 【Guilford】’s beliefs

Even if I am pitied, or my actions were a cause of bewilderment, my existence should not be a target of admiration.

It is the protagonist’s role to condemn my atrocious acts.

He should never acquit me of my crimes, nor think they are right.

「To me, you are like an invincible wall. Ever since I was a child, you are someone I can never hope to reach.* But right now, I can easily grasp you with these hands. I can even– 」_{(the original was “you are my dream” but i felt it didn’t match the flow, so i changed it)}

His expression didn’t quiver, however, his voice betrayed him, sounding as if he was crying.

Cold fingers descend to my throat.

One, two, three.


TL Notes:
Hiii! Sorry about not updating, was trying to translate it in another way, so you will notice a change from this chapter and the last ones. It takes time but i hope to make the translation flowier.(if it makes sense) again, sorry about the long inactivity!