Chapter 7.3 – Those who changed the world

He’s not the hero who lets people off with half-baked goodwill and decency, but a hero who chooses to let me live and not expect anything in return–wholeheartedly taking responsibility from the beginning.^{(i’m not quiet sure about this part since it’s talking about gil having negative feelings about letting her live, but the kanji can also mean to assume responsibility(negatively). Here’s the whole phrase if anyone is curious 私を生かすと選択した――きっと負の感情の元で)}

…I hate to admit it but.

He’s not just a character, but an actual person.

And this world, is a real one.

I hug myself and hold my arms to stop them from trembling, but the shaking just won’t stop.

What do I do, 【this person】, I’m scared of him.

「….Right now before me, is a wall that even you, who was the most perfect of them all, could ever hope to overcome.」

As if saying he can’t bear to keep looking at me, onii-sama looked down, and his verdant eyes darken.

Underneath those deep green orbs, dark tides of emotions are coalescing.

His tiredness became evident and even accentuated his pale complexion.

「My cowardice has prevented me from trying to confront that obstacle, let alone overcome it, until someone showed me the way(forward). I’ve always known it was there, and all I did was talk niceties about it. But when it appeared in front of me? “Why would I break(overcome) that?” is what I said. And once it appears in front of you, averting your eyes(escape) will be futile, nor will anyone allow you to surrender(escaping). They want me to topple over the wall. All the while knowing if I don’t, many people will die instead. Everyone wants me to break it down, for a petty reason of “going through that wall”, and knowing I will have to dirty my hands with blood instead」

His abrupt words don’t make any sense in my head.

What is he talking about I wonder.

I’m scared. I don’t understand what you are saying. I don’t want to understand. I don’t want to know.

As if being driven to a wall, carelessly and with my thoughts in a haze, I quickly spoke.

「What do, you mean by that?」

「Over and over again I pondered, “Why is it me(doing it)? Why me?” Over and over again I find myself looking for another way. But there isn’t. No matter how much I deny it, no matter how much I avert my eyes, someday that wall will obstruct my way. Walking on a rosy path that someone else had planted(or has paved), stepping on a mountain of corpses piled up by someone else. That’s right, even if I run away in the end, someone else will carry this sin on their back while I remain ignorant. That’s why there’s no way out, because I have the power to.」

He doesn’t seem to hear me, or he’s just ignoring me; ‘cause he’s not answering my question.

The gentler the words(tone) he spoke out are, the uglier(his face) he became.

I’m not even sure where exactly he is looking at.

Unfocused eyes shimmer and sway, as his complexion grows pale.

His face shouldn’t show such ugliness, and I’m the reason why.

How, how did this happen?

Where did it go wrong?

I don’t know how many times I asked myself this question, but it’s all what’s going on in my head.

It wasn’t supposed to be like this.

I didn’t want it to be this way.

I just wanted everyone to be happy, so that my death would not be in vain.

「Calm down」

「……..」

「Origa doesn’t know anything. She needs an explanation.」

As Atlas stood in front of me, interrupting him, onii-sama laughed out loud.

He was so bright and happy, as if he had heard a funny joke, as if he had broken down.

And.

「She doesn’t know anything, huh.」

The way he smiles and tilts his head is no different from the 【Guilford】I know.

Bright, innocent and positive, the main character.

But that just makes his bizarreness noticeable.

「Origa willingly went the wrong path, just to bring me (here) to this point. There’s no way she doesn’t know. She’d known how everything will turn out in the beginning.」

「Gil」
「Origa doesn’t know? How stupid. She should’ve known that this is how I will turn out,」

「That’s enough, Gil!」
「If that wasn’t the case, how come I can use water magic without asking anyone to teach me!」

As if to cover Atlas’s hoarse voice, his low, calm voice suddenly changed and echoed loudly throughout the room.

Aah, I see.

That’s where it got distorted. It’s my fault.

【Guilford】was supposed to be taught water magic by a friend, but 【this person】was suddenly able to use water magic without anyone teaching him.

「You of all people should know. If one doesn’t hone their skill at an early age, one can’t possibly use water attribute magic. Luzille forbade the practice of anything other than fire magic. No matter how much mana I have, I couldn’t possibly learn the basics and use water magic effectively! I’ve never practised water magic either! I avoided water most of all, just to be able to use a little fire magic!」

Atlas flinched at his prattling, and wanted to say “That’s..” but closed his mouth and wasn’t able to.

Their family is a branch(from the clan) that studied and understood most about magic education. They must have realized onii-sama’s queerness early on.

If your ability isn’t honed, no matter how talented you are, you can only be at best, a mediocre mage. 

And yet【this person】is.

His voice is low and choked up as he sucks in a breath, his shoulders shaking at the sight of Atlas.

「……And, whenever it rained, Origa told me to train outside.」

That was, the beginning of my mistakes.

The beginning of when the world started to change.


TL note:
booooo i hate translating conversations and monologues
he said walls so many times i just used other terms for them, he’s talking about the metaphorical wall btw


Guilford: Walls, walls, walls, obstacles, walls
Origa: why the hell are you so obsessed with walls and toppling them